I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
soo... how was my night?
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