I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
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