maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
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