I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
