careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
