I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
