I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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