you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I am mentally ready for anal.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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