I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
