Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
