K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
