I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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