please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
