And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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