haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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