Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
