I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
