I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize