I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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