it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
