I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
