im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm too high and old for this...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
