The maid of honor just puked.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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