It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize