I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
