I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
