Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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