Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
