well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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