I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
