So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Sponge bath it is.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
