Moan for me like Helen Keller
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
