3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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