i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
