...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
