Soap is not a condiment
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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