So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
