i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
