she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
farters have to be the big spoon...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
