I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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