She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize