no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
