Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
