Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
