Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
