The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
