How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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