when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize