we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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