So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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