I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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