we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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