I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
