Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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