Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
