Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
