I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
