Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
