Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
