I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
