I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
