I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
