I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize