I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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