When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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