I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
