He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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