wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
pray to the hookup gods
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
