Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
