I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
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