I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
