Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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