you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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