yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
