pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
