Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
