i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
