Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
True college students do jello shots in the library
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
