i permit you to call me
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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