There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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