is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize