Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
try to milk me bitch
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